Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Jurassic Bugs

One cardinal rule of bicycle riding in the deep south is this:  Keep thy mouth closed.  Unfortunately, this has always been a very difficult thing for me to do.  As read my kindergarten progress report:  Jillian is a very bright student, but she enjoys visiting with her neighbors a little too much.  

One would tend to think that after having been a cart girl for three years, and eating my fair share of bugs, I would have learned this lesson while riding my bicycle.  But no, let's just blame my deviated septum.  Because if it's not for my chatting up the person I'm riding with (even if it's Fairway) or singing to myself, I usually have to breathe with my mouth open.  

 Because it is so hot here most of the year round, many scary things are given a chance to flourish.  Such as alligators, lots 'o poisonous snakes, Bigfoot, and yes GI-NOR-MOUS bugs.  These bugs aren't just big; they carry weapons AND cell phones.  Because when they find you they like to summon their posse and they don't want to wait around.  

So, this one evening recently, we were taking a bike ride through the neighborhood and I was all chipper as usual just singing some songs to Fairway about the adventures of Pirate dogs of yore, and someone punches me right in the forehead.   Then I realized that there was no one around, and that little voice in the back of my head that says: DUN DUN DUN at moments like this did the dun dun dun thing.  When the stars cleared from my vision and I realized that it was a prehistoric bug or perhaps a pterodactyl that flew into my forehead, I quietly shat my pants, shut my mouth for the remainder of the ride and mumbled to Fairway that I would only be humming to him and he would have to make up his own words.  I mean, I can only do so much.


Charlotte said...

That's incredible! (and incredibly huge!) I got to ride a bike briefly as part of my duties one summer at Disney World. I think it was just after a rain, I managed to avoid the jurassic bugs, but I know exactly what you're talking about. Yikes.

Sorry, but I don't know - what is a cart girl?

Jillian said...

Ahhhhhhh, a cart girl, or a beer cart girl as we are sometimes called. It is quite possibly the most enjoyable job on earth.
She is the lady that drives a cart filled with cold refreshments around the golf course and gives respite and entertainment to the golfers. She is a welcome sight on hot summer days. She is paid in large sums of cash and proposals of marriage.

Hayduke said...

Why that's just a little old June bug. Pretty much harmless. Bats love 'em, though. I find June bug shrapnel all over the driveway every morning this time of year. A true sign that summer is here!

Jillian said...

Oh Hayduke,
Although it may look like a June bug, it is not. I have many of those little things all around my patio, this is about 10X larger than any june bug or roach I've ever seen. And we are hard pressed to find put what it truly is.

Krista said...

Your stories are so incredibly, disgustingly vivid. Reading about big honkin' bugs in mouths while eating breakfast is... not so great, to be honest.

Being a beer cart girl sounds like the best job in the world.

Jillian said...

Krista, I am truly sorry for spoiling your breakfast. Because as we all know, it is the most important meal of the day.
I am beginning to think that my posts may have to begin with the same words that my toasts do on the beginning of a night of martinis:
I would like to apologize NOW for anything I may so or do LATER.

Orthopedic Surgeon Katy said...

You should take part in a contest for one of the most useful
websites online. I am going to recommend this site!