My Father and I have a strange sort of companionship and camerarederie that only resulted after yesrs of vehement dislike for one another. Needless to say that time of my life was very entertaining. Those of you who know my Dad can attest to that.
Ok, so My Dad finally got contacts. This presented a whole new set of problems, the major one being that he can't put them in by himself. I don't know why they let him get them. When I was 12, I wanted contacts and the people at the store wouldn't let me leave with them until I could put them in and take them out by myself. I tried for over an hour, and finally gave up and left in tears. I guess they've changed their policies.
Anyhow, he called me one day soon after he got the contacts and told me that he discovered that he had the eyebrows of Martin Scorcesse, and all these years he didn't know it because they were hiding behind his glasses and since he's farsighted he couldn't see them when he took his glasses off. He told me he was going to "shave them down". I sugessted threading, and that led to a discourse on the finer points of hair removal.
But that's another conversation. So this day, The Donald asks me to put his contacts in for him. I oblidge. I went into his bathroom and got what appeared to be multi-purpose solution. I rinsed the contacts off with it, and filled them up with it, just like I do with mine every day. As he held his eye open, I tried to put the first one in. He screamed and said "owww, it hurts". I told him if he wanted me to put them in, he was going to have to suck it up and stop being such a baby.
We decided to have him sit in a chair in the kitchen to be a better level for me to put them in. So I rinsed and filled the contact again. I tried to put it in as he held the eye open for me again. This time, he started stomping his foot on the floor and screaming, "Oh God, Oh, God, it burns, it feels like there's acid in my eye!." I told him to shut up, and cut it out if he wanted me to put them in. He said " I don't care, if it's going to hurt this bad I don't want to wear them!" And he got up and went back into the bathroom.
I started to feel uneasy as I looked at his cherry red eye, so I decided to read the bottle of solution. It was only then that I noticed that it was not, in fact, multi-purpose solution. But rather a chemical cleansing solution that the bottle warned "not to put directly into eye".
I felt so bad, and I went and told him that we needed to flush his eye. He said " I knew you were trying to kill me!", but let me rinse his eye out as I tried to stifle my laughter.
Oh well, we'll try again tommorow.