Thursday, October 23, 2008

Marbles Have Officially Been Lost

A couple of weeks ago a very strange thing happened to me.  For about the past decade I have experienced some crazy hallucinations in the time that lapses between when I am asleep and dreaming and when I wake.  There, in that period, reality becomes blurred.  Because I sleep with my eyes partially open sometimes my brain will register things I am seeing with my eyes and incorporate them into a dream I'm having.  I've heard people in the room when I'm the only one in the house, heard doors opening and shutting, weird things like that.  The icing on the cake came the other day.

In the early morning hours after Jeremy had left for work, I dreamed that I was humping Jack's back.  Jack is Jeremy's very large dog for those of you who may not know.  So, there we were and I was going at it with all the frenzy of a puppy  when in my dream I heard a buzz saw.  This startled me and I woke up to find myself spooning Jack in our bed and him growling at me.  It was then that I realized that perhaps the incident had been more than a dream.  I am not Madonna and bestiality does not appeal to me, so this realization created a strong urge to toss my cookies.  I HUMPED MY DOG'S BACK.  How many people can say that they've unconsciously done that?  Believe me, it's never been on my to do list, but I am now sharing it with you.  For closure.

I've finally reached the point where I can laugh about it, but it took awhile.  As for the ungrateful dog, well, I kicked him out and from now on my pillow will have to be on the receiving end of my REM affections.  At least the pillow won't growl at me.

Oh, and I KNOW he's into me even if he rejected my advances because he's ALWAYS trying to make out with me after I eat garlic and every time I take a shower he just stares and stares.  


Krista said...

You know, I think your dog is just a perv and somehow projected his fantasies onto you. Not sure if that's a lot better than *actually* humping your dog, but yeah.

My dog is a perv too, if that makes you feel any better...

Amanda said...

I think this post is a load of bull! You know Jack loves me more than he loves you!