And would you like to know what this amazingly glamorous rock star has been up to lately? All right, all right. I got a job. Now I cannot go into the details of what this job is because I am contractually obligated by a BLOOD OATH and sworn to secrecy in front of a flock of geese on the White House lawn. No, not THE white house, but it was a house and it was white. I can say that it involves espionage, and craigslist. Both of which can be VERY dangerous.
What? You find it hard to believe that a pregnant woman such as myself would involve herself in dangerous situations and put her unborn child at risk? Well, let me just tell you, this baby LOVES a thrill. Why, I think I'm growing a mini 007 and as I type this I can faintly hear the sound of ricocheting gunshots bouncing off my womb as a tiny martini is being shaken and not stirred.
Truthfully though, Dear Readers, I am working as a nanny and I've just been TIRED! Here is an idea of my amazingly glamorous rock star life right now:
Wake up, heave growing self out of bed and try not to land on dog that insists on sleeping right below bed.
Toddle down the stairs and sip tea and have toast while bemoaning the fact that it is still dark out
Shower and try not to fall back asleep
Lotion my entire body while trying not to look at the weird veins that map my body when I'm pregnant, do this while praying that stretch marks once again remain far from my stomach
Get dressed in whatever makes me look the least like Tweedle-Dee
Wake up Elsbeth, dress her, feed her, brush her teeth all while carrying on a conversation with this very chatty two year old
Walk the dogs, yell at Jack, kennel them
Drive to work
All day play with three children and try to remain patient and engaging.
Come home, eat
Clean up dishes
Bathe the kid, read her a book (currently it's The Wizard of Oz or the Biz 'A Bop as she calls it), and put her to bed.
Carry on a brief adult conversation with my Husband while consuming fiber to offset all the iron I have to take. * I TOLD you it was glamorous.
Fall into bed, hopefully remembering to take my contacts out.
NEXT DAY: START OVER
Dear Readers, I honestly do not know how working Mothers do it. Where is the time for laundry, grocery shopping, hair appointments, doctor appointments?
So that's it in a nutshell. You'll be lucky to hear from me in the coming weeks, but please wish me sanity.