It is all my fault. The military graciously offers to move us and all we would have to do would be sit back, sip a margarita and occasionally throw out a, Ohhhhhh be careful with that, it's an aiiiiirrrrrrrrrr-looooooooommmmm! But when I heard that we could make several thousand dollars by doing it ourselves, I was adamant that that was the route to go.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
When I was in Belize recently, I spoke with many families about the rising cost of rice around the world. It affects the worlds poorest people the most and many of the families in Belize may eat only rice for the majority of their meals. It was the realization of that old cliche every one's parents threatened them with as a kid. Jimmy, eat those Brussels sprouts, there are starving children all over the world who would love to have them! My answer as a child was always, well, why don't you go ahead and mail it to them, cuz I aint eatin it! This was the point in which my Father would get up from the table and head my direction with THAT look in his eye that said, WAITTILLI get my hands on you! My best bet was to run, run fast.
My point is that I'm afraid I may be suffering from post poverty guilt syndrome, or PPGS as I like to call it. I've been cleaning out my fridge and cabinets in preparation for this move and I can't bring myself to throw ANY food away. I've been shoving food into the mouth of anyone who enters this house to the point where they're about to throw up. And now, I'm the only one here and I have guilted myself into eating almost everything that was left. I AM THE HUMAN GARBAGE DISPOSAL! Now I feel guilty AND sick. I think it was the buttermilk that finally pushed me over the edge. You think I'm kidding. I can literally hear my thighs getting bigger. If I wore corduroy pants right now, I would catch fire. I would be fire crotch.
Lesson here: It is possible to experience hallucinations from an exorbitant amount of shat on one's belly. Particularly the obscene combination of artery clogging dairy products on top of a pint of blue berries. I see God, and he's giving me the "Oh No you Di'int" face. Lord, I did, and I'm really, really sorry.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
To enter into friendship with me is to enter into a kind of quasi wonderland in that you never know just what kind of nonsense you might be getting yourself into...or trying to get yourself out of.
Unfortunately strangers have no forewarning of my shenanigans and therefore often times find me quite strange. Take yesterday for example. I had to take the rabbit to Jeremy's clinic at three to hand her over to her new owners. And because I am annoyingly punctual, I was an hour early to drop her off. I didn't know what do do with myself for an hour; I couldn't take the rabbit into the clinic, and I couldn't leave it in the car. It was nearly 100 degrees outside.
So I went shopping. I put the rabbit in my purse and put the purse in the cart in the store, which was kind of like a T.J Maxx. And just because many things work out serendipitously for me, that waskally wabbit just stuck it's little paws and nose out the front of the bag and hung out the whole time Ellie and I looked around the store. And NO ONE noticed.
Eventually I had to go to the restroom, so I grabbed the bag full 'o rabbit and Ellie and went into a stall. Ellie had been eating a sucker and her hands were incredibly sticky along with her face and shirt. There was actually a line of people waiting to use the stalls and so I was hurrying; in the meantime Ellie reaches down and tried to pull the rabbit out of the bag and I'm all, no honey don't pet your bunny when you're hands are all dirty like that, she'll get sticky. Awwww dang it, now you've got hair all over your hands! And there I am just carrying on like a fool not thinking about the dozen other people out there listening to me.
When we exited the stall to wash our hands, a woman leaned over to me and whispered with a knowing smile, "I know, my daughter always tries to touch, and I quote here, "her parts" with dirty hands too." At that point I decided that it would be harder to explain the truth than to just nod and shrug as if to say, "eh, waddayagunna do? Kids these days".
Note to self: NEVER give the kid a blue sucker whilst she is wearing white...ever...again. She looked like she had gone on a smurf massacre. WHAT THE SMURF IS GOING ON HERE?!!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
I know I haven't talked about the Green Experiment in awhile, and that's because I really won't start it until we move....which will happen in T-minus six days. I am planning on adding some guidelines to the experiment a) because I can and b) because I need to make some changes in my life and not only on the outside.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I awoke with great joy on our second day in Belize to find that I had not swelled to the size of Anna Nicole Smith from a bug bite. The sound of cat calls from the aviary which was just outside our room were what caused me to stir. I hadn't noticed the cages in the dark the night before and when I heard the whistles coming from outside, I thought it was more than the monkey peeking into our room.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
One of my favorite things to do when entering foreign soil for the first time is to take note of the smells. Many parts of Belize smell very much like New Orleans' French Quarter, which is a combination of the sickly sweet scent of rotting garbage and the mingling of human perspiration and exotic flowers hanging like chandeliers in the humid air.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Whew! The last week has come and gone in such a whir of activity that as I sit here and look at my photos, I wonder if it was all just a fantastic dream. But I believe that the multitude of insect bites covering my body and the beginning of dreadlocks in what used to be my hair are telling evidence of my wonderful trek.
Friday, June 6, 2008
In two days I am leaving. For Belize.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I LOVE German cars, and beer. I have had many cars since getting my drivers license, most of which ended up totaled from my inept driving skills. I am a MUCH better driver now, thank God. The majority of those cars have been Volkswagens, beetles to be exact.
It's one of those nights for me again. Fall asleep like a ton of bricks and then just a few short hours later I am wide awake. I turn to the left, flip the pillow for the cool side and wait. Nothing. Flip to the right, accidentally punch Jeremy in the face, he startles and groggily says, "What the hell was that?"
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I knew when I got married that I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone who differs from me in many ways. But I was all, Hey, this will be fun and we'll never get bored. It's been true for the most part and I am continually amazed how someone can think so differently than me.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
It cannot be said enough or in too many ways how much I adore summer. Even if it is hotter than 700 hundred hells here, I revel in it.
One cardinal rule of bicycle riding in the deep south is this: Keep thy mouth closed. Unfortunately, this has always been a very difficult thing for me to do. As read my kindergarten progress report: Jillian is a very bright student, but she enjoys visiting with her neighbors a little too much.