Thursday, July 16, 2009

For the Pleasure of Your Eyes

I have about 15 different posts swimming in fragments around my presently addled brain. I can't seem to fully or cohesively extract one in particular, so I'm going to offer you a story that made me laugh to the point of tears recently. I'll end with a series on what's been offered in the "Foyer Freebies" lately, just in case you wee anxiously awaiting the next installment.

Lately, every day is an adventure for me. Learning how to manage two small children while staying relatively sane has proven, at times, more difficult than I imagined it would be. Elsbeth can be very willful ( I have NO idea where she gets it), usually when we're in public. Jeremy and I have had to regroup and strategize together to form a plan of action for these instances. He prefers to reward good behavior, while I prefer a good, old fashioned public beat down in the style of that screaming Mom you can always hear somewhere off in the distance at Walmart. "I said NO, you AINT gettin that toy! Granny already dun gotchu sumpin! Now you put 'at back fore I beat yer butt!"

Actually, I abhor the public spanking as much as it amuses me to observe it being done to other unruly little heathens. And I think Elsbeth realizes this and it is why she acts out more when we're in a public environment. So, I have taken to consistently enforcing time outs in the cart and then ignoring her screams and the judgemental stares of onlookers. Guess what? It's working. I threaten action and I instantly get the correct behavior 99% of the time. It has become a joy to take her places. And here is just such an example.

A couple of days ago we made a run to Target. I was walking with Ari in the baby carrier and Ellie was sitting in the seat of the cart. As I was shopping, Ellie kept me entertained with precious little songs and stories told to me in a strange little voice that was almost cartoon like. I wasn't giving her my full attention, only half listening, but occasionally she would say in the funny voice, Ohhhhh, my bewwy hurts. And then back to the singing or the story. This went on for about fifteen minutes.

We were in the shampoo aisle which was relatively crowded with about six or seven other people, when she says in the same funny voice, Ohhh, it stinks in here. Then back to the singing. I'm in the process of smelling different body washes when she says, Uh, Oh, we better getoutta here! I'm going poopy. And then. Then she let loose the loudest and most offensive sounding gas. It sure did sound like she had gone poopy. I began to laugh and could barely manage to get the words out to ask her if she had in fact pooped her pants. She looked at me with a huge Cheshire cat grin and said, uh-huh, I did. I started to laugh even harder and had to hold on to the shelf for support. People around us had been giggling for some time and it made me laugh all the more. Tears were streaming down my face.

I'll take the poopy pants kid any day over the screaming, kicking, dragging her feet monster I had been dealing with. Oh, and in the end, her pants weren't even dirty.

And now (insert drum roll) in the continuing series of Foyer Freebies, Here is what you COULD have gotten for free if only you lived in this building.


A parenting magazine, a mouse pad, and a children's bike helmet. Apparently, the part in the magazine about bicycle safety was overlooked.
Another mag, some plastic snack cups, some articles for a baby girl, and the fingers of a small child.
And, just because pureed squash wasn't bad enough...we're offering you green beans. AT LEAST thery're organic. And hey, maybe there's ONE baby in the world that loves them. And hopefully it lives in this very building.
Some questionable reading material, and (GASP) golden glitter spray with (ANOTHER GASP) a sponge applicator! That will go so well with my bedazzler!
And finally, some more shady and dog eared reading material.

You sure do want to move here now don't you?

1 comment:

Lauren said...

I just laughed so loudly reading that post that my boss came in to see what was so funny. 28 year old, childless, single men apparently don't find as much hilarity in Ellie foofee-ing in Target as I do... sucks for him.

That was a hilarious story and I completely agree with you that having her singing and happy and being Toots McGee is better than Angry Ellie anyday. I can't wait until I can see her on Saturday- AND I get to see the foyer freebies...double bonus!