Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Been Around The World and I I I....

As I'm typing this my children are asleep behind me, in separate full size beds under matching white down comforters. I'm sitting at the desk in my hotel room while I listen to a genius mix from our iTunes....It's the Indie Rock mix in case you were wondering. And by the way, whoever thought of that genius mixer was, in fact, a genius and they need to be handed a bucket of gold and given one of those butt pats that football coaches do in the movies.

We have now been living out of our suitcases for 34 days. 25 of those days were in Indiana and the rest have been here. In Paradise Limbo. In case you didn't know this already, I'm a little OCD when it comes to keeping things organized and picked up. If you knew me in High School and you're reading this, you probably just shot milk out of your nose laughing at that last statement. But, all I have to say is: PEOPLE CHANGE. After I got married, I quickly realized that I couldn't handle the collective sloppiness of Jeremy and myself. So I got a little crazy about it. Not quite Mommy Dearest, but don't you go bringing wire hangers into my house. Seriously.

So to cope with this state of indefinite limbo slash quasi celebrity-esque lifestyle that we are living, I have managed to organize the shee-yit out of this room. Twice actually. The second time was today because we had to switch rooms last night when sewage started flooding the bathroom as we drained the tub. Oh hello, Someone Else's Poop! I see you ate your veggies yesterday. So, when we would normally be going to bed, we crammed all of our things back into our bags (for the 45,263,46,278'th time) and schlepped them six floors up to a new room. But hey, BONUS! This room has an EVEN BETTER view of the beach. So, thanks Someone Else's Poop, you had a silver lining after all. Also, this coffee pot can make TWO CUPS OF COFFEE AT ONCE. Boom. How's that for simple pleasures? It's a good thing too because I've been drinking enough caffeine lately to offset my still lingering jet lag that I might as well mainline it. So, a daily dose of double fisting coffee? YESPLEASE!

Anyway, I placed and improvised and stuffed clothes into drawers, hung jackets and lined up shoes. Actually, I just threw all the shoes into the closet. I KNOW, RIGHT?!! Can you believe I did that? Because if you know me now and not then, you know that the lining up of shoes is a pretty big thing for me. Some people have to have spotless counter tops, cough CAROLINE and RACHEL cough, but for me, those shoes better all be facing the same direction in descending order of size. So, the fact that I did that must be a sign that the end is near.

I used the complimentary glasses they leave in your room to put my makeup brushes in one and our toothbrushes in another. The tray that the ice bin sits on I used for the eight thousand cosmetic products I use. And while I'm on that subject, you know what really irritates me? My husband's face. No, seriously. He doesn't put one thing on it. Ever. Not even sunblock. He washes it with a bar of soap every day and he still has not one wrinkle or blemish and he wakes up looking like a 25 year old Johnny Depp. Jerk. Meanwhile, I spend hundreds of dollars on stuff for "transitioning" skin. Because I guess that's what my skin is doing. If you call getting wrinkles and pimples at the same time a transition. Personally, I call it rebellious. My skin is just saying: YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! And then I'm forced to spank it with glycolic acid and give it a time out.

How was that for the most random paragraph ever? You can blame that on the fact that I think I left a huge chunk of my brain in the overheard luggage bin somewhere in Japan along with our portable DVD player. But hey, WE DIDN'T LOSE THE CHILDREN! And that's all that really matters, right? So, I really wanted to tell you what we've been doing every day, I got my own self.

Since everyone is back on track sleeping wise, we're back into a pretty normal routine as far as waking up goes. We rented a car when we got here because ours is still on a ship somewhere in the Pacific. HI CAR! I MISS YOUR CUSHY LITTLE SEATS! And they don't expect it to arrive until sometime at the end of this month along with (hopefully) the rest of our things. HI THINGS! I MISS YOU TOO! So, we've been driving around a little white Toyota that does not have keyless entry (THE HORROR!) a car which Ari also promptly drew on with blue crayon. HELLO SPANKING, MEET ARI.

Jeremy wakes up first and gets ready and then the rest of us get up to drive him to six thirty in the morning. Thanks, The Navy, I hope you caught that worm, Early Bird. It's a very beautiful drive along the beach and the view definitely makes up for the hour in which I observe it. Normally we come back to the room and the kids jump from bed to bed for about three hours or until I drink enough coffee to feel motivated enough to go somewhere. But not this morning. This morning I went to the new gym I joined and took a circuit weights class, then promptly almost threw up and passed out at the same time and then came crawling back to the room. Where we ordered room service (again) for lunch. The girls have been BEGGING to order for themselves so I agreed that they could today only AFTER we had agreed what they would be ordering (a grilled cheese and a hot dog). So Ellie gets the phone, orders ice cream and then runs away laughing hysterically meanwhile Ari is hopping up and down on my foot while yelling: IWANNATALKIWANNATALKIWANNATALK! Thank God everyone around here has at least a dozen kids and is quite empathetic or else I'm afraid the lady on the other end of the phone would not have been so gracious.

Now they're sleeping and when they wake up I've promised them we'll go to the beach where they can try to catch more tiny hermit crabs. Oh by the way, EVERY person in this family except me has now stepped on a sea cucumber and been ectoplasmed by it. DUN DUN DUN. It's only a matter of time before it happens to me. And while I'm on the subject of sea creatures: Discovery Channel, I HATE SHARK WEEK EVEN MORE NOW THAT I'M LIVING ON AN ISLAND. Thankyouverymuch.

WE hope to have news about our housing situation by the end of this week so hopefully I'll be able to post on that soon. Until then, goodbye. From the future.


Damyon said...

Love your post. I can't wait for the next.

Anisa said...

Hahahaha, I'm thoroughly entertained! Keep these posts coming Lady Jill of Guam ;-) Love you guys! ...And please let Ari talk! :)

LadyDi said...

YOU make me laugh, cry, shout... with your posts!! I am glad God has been good to you and is keeping through all of this! My love to those little girls! And a stinky lick for all from Fairway!

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