Tuesday, October 11, 2011

And I Didn't Even Require Sedation

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Today I devised a radical experiment in parenting brought about by a desire to stop focusing on things that aren't really important. Please, read and watch on.

Here were the terms:
1) We could do whatever they wanted as long as it didn't jeopardize any one's safety.
2) That's the only rule. Pretty simple, huh?

The following is an account of the day that developed.

Woke up at 6:45

Ate cupcakes for breakfast shortly after 7:00

The girls only ate the icing off of the tops of their cupcakes and fed what remained to the dog, wrappers and all. He ate it, wrappers and all.

It was decided we should go to the playground. A stuffed cat, a wagon, a naked baby doll, and two glasses of orange juice were deemed necessary.

It started raining. Ellie and I played patty cake with our feet while we waited for the rain to stop. That was her idea. My back made funny cracking sounds. I realized I'm getting old.

Someone suggested we look for rainbows. Almost immediately we found one.

It stopped raining. So...

We went to the playground and played hopscotch, rode the tire swing, looked at giant spiders, swung on the swings, and pretended to be pirates.

When sweat started making rivers down my body and black clouds loomed on the horizon, I convinced them to head home to our "Pirate Castle" where glorious treasure awaited.

We made it approximately 10 feet from the playground when they insisted we stop to pick flowers.

Ellie informed me that her stuffed kitty loved those kind of flowers, which just so happened to be called Chameleon Flowers. Apparently they will sneak away and hide if one does not watch them ever so carefully.

Finally made it home where Ari announced she was hungry for eggs. I decided to make frittata. Ellie drew a picture and taped it to the fridge with copious amounts of tape, relishing the freedom of her indulgence.

Ari found a cup and demanded more juice. What could I say? I gave her some.

Ellie wanted to take pictures with her camera. Particularly pictures of the TV.

I still hadn't gotten to the frittata. It was 9:10

At 9:30 while we were waiting for the frittata, it was mutually decided that we should eat a piece of chocolate. Then another. And well, you know where this is headed.

Ate frittata ( approximately three bites each) and decided to make Halloween crafts of spiders fashioned from egg carton and pipe cleaner and pumpkins from toilet paper rolls
Ari ran away to watch cartoons.

Ellie made Jesus out of orange and green construction paper and tacked him to the bulletin board.

We danced in circles.

Ellie ran away to watch cartoons.

Someone decided we should play baseball so we headed back outside. I only kind of cleaned up. You see, I was trying really hard not to worry about that stuff.

While outside, Ari ran away with Ellie's stuffed cat, who had been napping peacefully on a blanket placed on a tree root.

We scolded her.

She threw dirt at us.

We stared into the jungle and pondered how many spiders were in it. Too many, that's how many.

Ari practiced her "Balance Talents" on the roots of a tree.

No one ever played baseball. I was kind of relieved.

At 12:45 it was decided we should all go to Pizza Hut. Dressed as princesses. Yes, even ME. Ellie wanted me to wear my wedding dress since it was the closest thing I had to a real princess dress but I told her I couldn't reach it, so she settled on dressing me in a vintage handkerchief hem sun dress and some rhinestone heels...and a crown.

After they ate pizza, they insisted we go straight to Yogurtland. I obliged even though I was skeptical that they could eat any yogurt, but they ate the whole thing!

In the middle of our Yogurt, Ari screams, I'M ABOUT TO PEE MY PANTS!!! (technically, she wasn't wearing any pants, but I didn't point that out) After a frantic trip to the bathroom where a bladder crisis was narrowly averted, we finished our yogurt.

It was then decided we should go on a search for Ellie's Halloween costume. We ended up at a store that was decorated with some mildy scary creatures. Ari called a Skeleton Pirate "Captain" while protectively holding us all back from said "Captain".

When we walked out the door it set off a rattling skeleton that made all of us jump and Ari scream.

In the car Ari informed us that if we would simply put Jesus in our back packs, then the captain couldn't get us. Noted and filed.

We had a dance party in the car. I think I pulled my neck and I very possibly saw a shoe fly past my head.

Went to one more Halloween store and then meowed like cats all the way home.

They wanted to do my makeup. So I let them. Ellie painted purple eyeliner on my mole calling it a pimple and assuring me that she had now made me "pretty". She did all of this while dressed as a black cat.

There was a "situation" involving glitter.

It wasn't pretty.

The dog came running home from somewhere down the street. I never even knew he was gone.

Ellie rode her scooter down the driveway into the grass. She got hurt and ran inside. Ari followed her screaming: SISTER! DON'T DIE!!!

I taught Ellie the rhyme: Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you don't, I don't care. I'll pull down your underwear.

We laughed until we cried and I had a nagging feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me at a most inopportune time.

Ellie then drew a picture of what I think was supposed to be a peacock. It raised many questions in my mind.

Meanwhile, Ari left her baby alone on a table outside, but she assured me she would be fine since she had provided her with plenty of snacks...and lotion.

They watched a movie and demanded libations and macaroni and cheese.

Jeremy came home and informed me I looked like I had been attacked by a posse of clowns.

I ran away to take a shower and while in the bathroom saw my toothbrush with toothpaste still on it and realized I had forgotten to brush my teeth. All day. EW.

When I got out of the shower everyone was crying. Even Jeremy. Just kidding. Everyone ELSE was crying. Ellie renounced her sisterhood with Ari.

Ari ran outside crying. In her underwear.

I walked past a mirror and realized that even though I had washed my face THREE TIMES in the shower, my nose was still covered in hot pink lipstick.

As the girls finished their movie their eyes were heavy and they sunk lower and lower into the sofa. It was 6:30.

I fed them their macaroni and it was unanimously decided that we should make this a regular event.

Jeremy put them to bed with minimal tears. From the kids, not Jeremy.

In the words of Ice Cube: It was a good day.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.


Aged One said...

SOOOO fun to follow your day. BUT- where was the picture of you dressed like a princess in your sundress?? You, Mrs. Hayes, are one incredible MAMA!!! That's all I have to say.

Cassie said...

I adore you! I envy the amount of time you spend with your children and how much of a 'fun' momma you are! I know it will be years until you're back, but I can't wait to see you all again!!!

Jillian said...

Awww, thanks Cassie! Believe me, every day isn't this fun. Take today for example, HAHA!
We can't wait to come back too and we're all excited that there are more cousins to play with!

Oh Aged One, I tried to take a picture of myself or have one of them take it, but none came out. Believe me, it wasn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds. There was no shower on the agenda yesterday and I felt pretty yucky. But....that detail wasn't stopping us from having a good time!

Amanda said...

I love this! I love those girls! I love you!!! You are an inspiration!

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